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Thursday, 15 February 2018

CHECKING SENTENCES

Dear Ms Tapuke,


Kia Orana!


My name is Charles and I am 12 years of age. My birthday is on May the 15th.
I am the 5th eldest of 7 children. I have 4 brothers including me and
3 sisters. I’m Cook Island, Māori and Tahitian but born in New Zealand
in a big city called Auckland! I grew up in a angry family of 8 My Mum, dad
my 3 brothers and 3 sisters but then a few years later my older sister moved with
my nana down south, then another few years later my older brother was pretty
good at Rugby League, special people from Australia came to see him and ask
him if he wanted to play rugby for there teams in Australia and they will
give him lots of money if he does so he went. So from ever since he’s been living
in Brisbane, Australia playing rugby league making lots of money and appearing
on lots of news papers, but he still comes back for visits every year.


Camping, travelling and eating is my favourite things to do. One of the places
where I want to go is Tahiti. Sports Is also one of my favorite things to do.
My favourite sport is rugby league. When I was small my older brother use to
teach my lots of skills so then I started to play for rugby league clubs ever since. In
my spare time I like to play games with my family and friends.


I sometimes like working with friends and in groups. I get nervous when talking to
visitors. Maths, Writing and P.E is my favourite subjects. I don’t like reading and I think
that’s the worst subject. My goals for 2018 is to get better at reading and making
lots of new friends.


Last year Ms Tapuke was my literacy teacher and this year Ms Tapuke is my literacy
teacheragain which is good! I feel grateful and happy that Ms Tapuke is still
my literacy teacher again.I think it was the best choice for me to be in Ms Tapuke’s
class. Somethings I like about Ms Tapuke is that she can be funny and
sometimes she can’t and Ms Tapuke always helps me whenever im stuck with
my work and tells me to try my very best. I hope you have a wonderful 2018 with
your literacy class Ms Tapuke!


Yours sincerely,


Charles (:


P.S


My favourites.


Food: Chocolate
Sport: Rugby League
Colour: Green
Fruit: Orange


Hobbies: Travelling & Camping

This is my letter to my literacy teacher "Ms Tapuke" But I made changes.
I realized that I had to make some changes in my writing to make sure my
writing is better and make sense. One thing that was my mistake that
I have been doing lots in my writing is my Commas.
I highlighted my text BLUE so that I know that's the change iv'e made
in my writing. Make sure you leave a comment please and tell
me what you think?

1 comment:

  1. Hi Charles,

    It is great to see that you are learning about editing your writing. I can see that you saw some punctuation, words and letters that you missed out when you first wrote. You have also added more information to make it more interesting - you could add describing/ better words to your writing when you edit as well. I really enjoyed reading the information about your brother - it must be fantastic to hear of his success in Australia and I bet you are very proud. Next time remember to check that all of your sentences make sense. A good way to do this is to read them out loud or share your writing with a buddy.

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